aNdReW's life in NZ

2010-11-02T02:29:00.001-07:00

finally after a year of trying to adapt to tourism, my course has come to an end. or at least i hope so haha
after months of studying about tourism, the time has come for me to face the big bad world of working. Would be nice to not have to think about assignments and exams, working life and getting paid will be a nice change from always being broke.
sad thing is that working life here will be interesting because everything will be more expensive as an adult. in terms of mindset things have to change and now i need to start building my finances and stuff up.

the time apart will prob put things into perspective and this should solidify and cement whatever decision i choose which in this case is prob to just not to get too close.
other than tat with regards to other aspects in life, need to pray hard and see what directions God leads and this will be tricky since ive been away for some time now but i guess this is a junction where i really need direction and so have to do whatever it takes to get a reply.
i cant make decisions on anything major because the reality is that i dunno where ill be in the near future so anything will have to wait. tricky thing is remembering that and not letting that affect me too much.

2010-09-23T03:07:00.000-07:00

Hmm i have just had an epiphany recently in conversations with pple and in my time reflecting on stuff (life in general). It is that.. (surprise surprise) I fall for people fast, and i mean really fast. And yes that is a bad thing. My only justification is that well my not having a girlfriend before has finally pushed me over the edge and well part of me fears that I have missed my chance with well person X. No person X is not a real person its just the possible person that I could have meant if I had well kept my eyes open. I digress there is NO possible justification for falling for pple that fast and well it kinda sux to be honest. Wondering if such and such is the one or could she be the one.. mayb i should get to know her.. etc and all the rubbish.

Kinda makes me wonder have i lowered my standard at all or am i just that 'worried bout not finding the one that i dun actually make think thru my decisions carefully'
When i mean fall fast, crikey i mean i fall fast.. Mayb its the whole exposure thing, the more i spend time with the person the more likely feelings will develop for them blah blah blah.

This trend has been going on for quite some time and well to stop this kinda unsettling trend i think its bout time i take a break. from the whole looking for the one thingy. Heck just stay away from anyone that i could possibly fall for cos well im not sure if i fall for person for person or fall just cos i cant seem to stop falling.. as amusingly weird as tat sounds.

Heh I guess I need time to set aside and to really see if any feelings i have for a person are real or whether its really just all about exposure. I mean if things are meant to happen i think they will if not heh its prob for the better anyway. So for now I give myself from now till possibly end of summer. while it seems like a long time, if i actually have still have feelings for person Z, then mayb just mayb there may be hope after all. and well if after all this time if feeling fades then well mayb it wasnt meant to be . if person gets attached in this time then heh just be happy that the person has found happiness and ya look ahead.in any case need time to stop this cycle anyway.

It'll be good for me to just interact with pple just as friends and not as anything more. These few months will be interesting indeed heh =D

2010-09-07T16:17:00.000-07:00

heh time for new change; enough of the emo-ness on the blog, getting abit weak =P
I have realised that well aside from the emotional emo-ness that invades my head occassionally i still have heaps to learn before i can be ready to meet ...

1) Need to start rekindling relationship with the almighty. Other than prayer and the sporadic time alone its not enough to make a difference in my life and only by properly seeking and spending time with God will my life actually start to change for the better if not, well ill still be the same, stagnant individual that have been for the longest time.

2) Confidence= fail. as brutal n harsh at that sounds its something which is painfully obvious and is something that really needs work on. Not too sure how to go about it but something has to be done. Prob need to rethink strengths and weakness and how to build them up appropriately.

hmm these are the 2 i can think of now but =D its a good enough place to start

2010-09-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

Timing, Sleep, Counsel, Emotions

Heh this blog post will for once have some structure cos have had time to think and these 4 aspects are something which i find quite good/bad and well they can either aid u or well stuff things up heh =P

Sleep is awesome. There i've said it. And its true nothing like a good night's rest to change one's thoughts/feelings/emotions ( to a certain extent of course). from being bothered/stressed/sad/ surprising that a few hours sleep can change all that. When you awake, u feel refreshed and your mind works a lot clearer that it did the night before. Its awesome how God kinda gave us a reboot to our brain everymorning.Things get put into perspective and well if something that has remained even through the morning probably shows how important it is.

Counsel.
I'm so grateful for the company that i've been blessed with. The counsel that i have received has been so useful and would have saved me from well basically a whole big mess that would have resulted had i acted on my own initiative. ( yes i know that the rash decision would have had severe reprecussions).
This counsel pointed out things in a different light that i had not considered and now that i have heard it, well brings new light to whole situation and thus i would be a fool to ignore it and do what i think is right cos to be honest haha my track record kinda sucks big time ;P

Emotions are still the most overrated thing that continually annoys the yoghurt out of me. ( tats crap to everyone else kinda trying to cut down swearing)
Its funny how when u least expect something to happen *bang u get smacked in the head and next thing am wondering what the hell just happened. Lols thats the story of my life pretty much. still hoping for a magic switch that can put it on hold or something that would save heaps of trouble and decision making based on emotions would be non-existent. which in my case is a good thing. trust me heh

Time for the longest time is something that ive been in awe of. It has the potential to make or break things in an instant. This is why time is something that while it heals all wounds can change situations in an instant if not handled carefully. I dunno time heals all wounds doesnt really make sense ish to me cos well there would be remnants of what happened in the past and these remnants of the wounds may still cause discomfort or in many instances can be reignited under special circumstances. tricky issue and henceforth nt one of my favourite things cos always seemed to get screwed over by it haha.

2010-09-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

heh after a 4 month hiatus, i have decided to resume blogging( yea right! =P am only here cos well its day 4 of week off and heh am stuck in CAL cos net at home is useless)
highly doubt anyone remembers that i blog but heh.. dun particularly want that many pple to actually hah
anyways.. spent past 5 days in capital of NZ, Wellington and wow.. am really impressed. well other than fact i spent $100 min on mostly food there; the city itself is pretty nice, finally can see shopping areas and well dinner on most nights was malaysian food haa and bfast n lunch was either at cafes or just wherever. had quite a bit of coffee and bubble tea so tats kinda where most of expenditure went too. company was awesome and managed to see and hang out with Jolyn, Jun, Derek ,Grace Mart and Jen apart from my travelling companions. Felt great hanging out with crew even if we were in totally different city from before. Elim welly was quite good but wow Arise was so concerty it felt surreal. Bit hard to compare churches per say but both were interesting experiences. Managed to wander round city and covered parts of Te PAPA so that was good considering learnt bout it in TOUR 301
welly would be a possible prospect to move to if job hunt fails here in dunny and well looking at the job situation here it may be a reality if nothing opens up.

in terms of getting away from dunedin and all assorted stuff that comes along with it id say it worked cos din actually bother me till i realized i had to come back and hadnt done as much thinking bout stuff as i supposed to .. failz lol
what can i say, as much as im tempted to revert to my old ways of running; there has to be a better solution to problem than just running. at some point i will have to stop and face problem and running will just be delaying it.

was reading an artcle by boundless bout relationships and it really struck & remained stuck in my head. well it basically said in a nutshell that it is always the guys responsibility to take the lead and well basically ask a gal out. when a gal does it, it changes the dynamics of the relationship and makes it weird, which kinda makes sense.
I have no problem agreeing with tat statement by any means. its just tat lol, my personality kinda stands in the way in that well im not the most outgoing bloke out there and well talking to gals ( most actually still scares the living erm well.. stuffing of me ).
Granted there are the few that by some miracle i dun freeze up and go all awkward on its just based on my well lack of exposure to communicating with the opposite gender growing up kinda built a wall of some kind of i kinda cant really open up to them straight away. The gals that i do know, prob can attest to fact that well in beginning ( and possibly even now) i was like awkward as. i would like to think it has changed cos well 26 years on earth should have taught me something.. at ..least// or hope heh
and well to make things more interesting, if i were to ask anyone out like out out date wise.. lols that would be monumental.. if not eppic cos haha guess the pressure of being on actual date would be kinda immense.
fyi im not making excuses for not doing so, this is just explanation on thought process.
oh ya back to the post,
basically i have to risk everything i had with the individual; friendship and all on the line just to gauge whether she likes me as well or whether its just a crush which i unfortunately have problem of falling for ppl way before i know its mutual. it may seem amusing but its not . trust me i know
=D
id say well i will step up to do it. its just heh kinda scary like jumping off a aeroplane without a parachute cos well u kinda dun really know how its goin to turn out. yes yes i know by actions u can hint as it but well until u say it, God din make us all mindreaders so only by saying it will person actually know what ur thinking. and yes after all the ranting and seemingly meanless ranting im kinda in situation but well have complications which well make situation all the more delicate haha
part of me wants to just run away and leave it to God and his timing but well other hand is that God made man to be able to take the hits and to take charge and lead( different from run away and hide). so either way am still kinda stuck. to move forward from this the usual way ie; run like hell and hope that everything i felt for person will go away, or seek wait on God and IF opportunity arises, deal with it?
choices choices. gotta love freedom of choice. as a son of God, to move forward in faith, trust? or to sneak steathfully and run like mad if things dun work out..

*note to self running option while tried and tested before, it kinda din really help situation in any way.. actually made it worst*
Option 3 is well trust that God knows whats best for me and whether anything will happen will eventually happen in his time.. i guess i know that this is the only option i have its just.. argh having to leave it.. not fun but hey guess who created the universe and everything in it.. and me and well i would like to think that God who could do all that .. would kinda know whos best for me.. and hope that I can get my head out of the sand long enough to see her and react accordingly.
heh finally run out of things to say.. anything else will come tmr.. or later today whichever i feel like..
heh no uni= time to blog haha ftw!!

2010-05-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

hmm funny how i end up only thinking bout blogging when i get ephiphany's or get particularly emo.. guess then its been good that i haven been on a while.. or is it heh?
anyways my latest revelation came as a result on hearing two of my dear friends have decided to go their seperate ways after two years of being together. This couple is one of those that i really look up to and well to hear that this was happening kinda came as a surprise to me and im still kinda reeling from it. earlier today i had lunch with a friend and we were talking bout how the weird trend is that somehow couples that seem to be with each other for quite a while seem to be seperating after being together for quite some time..ive actually kinda wondered why this was so.
Came to the conclusion that well it depends on the individuals . for couples that remain together for ages, both sides hve to be at a level of maturity that is constant and doesnt fluctuate much in good times or not. not to say that its wrong for younger couples to get together , its just that the trend seems to be if either party tends to fluctuate emotionally or mentally or in whatever shape or form then well something is unbalanced.
this is excluding the fact that while some may be mature for their years, there is still that possibility of fluctuating somewhat and that is something that i guess years will only solidify. This doesn't necessarily mean that i'm ruling out the possibility of going out with someone younger than me.. its just well something that has to be thought through carefully. if and when that ever happens haha
other aspects of life.. kinda busy as so oh well boring stuff basically.

2010-01-26T02:18:00.000-08:00

today i discovered something during my expedition to south Dunedin. heh since it was a good day to walk, i walked from home to south D and whilst wanted to walk to beach, it got cold so changed mind heh. i realized that i have been a 'selfish' christian in the sense that i always come to God only when i want stuff like favour, blessing and well kinda take God for granted. Rather than living to serve him, I end up using him in that sense. Which really sucks and well this walk gave me time to think. While i have a rough idea of what my future is, would rather live my life according to his plan for my life, rather than what i want to do. I mean who else would know me better than the one who created me. My knowledge is scarcely limited and by all accounts i consider myself average. In actual fact, Im blessed to be here and to have my life the way it is. Guess im finally tired of trying to live life my way.. time to let God take over and let his will be done through me. Just my revelation in my journey of life and well.. cant wait to live his plan for my life. Cos it will be better than what i think my life could be heh.
REady when you are Lord. hee~

2009-12-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

There has been something that has been on my mind for quite a while and it has bothered me or just been in my mind for so long that think its time to just write it out. In friendships/ relationships, is there one party that does everything or is it suppose to be a partnership or a two way thing. Cos ive felt that in some situations that I’ve been in, I seem to be the one that initiates everything and while that doesn’t really bother me much, its just something that ive been trying to rationalize with? I mean as guys we should definitely initiate stuff in most situations however having to do it all the time with little or not much help from other party well kinda makes it harder to keep doing it. I was under the impression that even in friendships its important that everything is done together in that sense, building each other up and encouraging one another. When one party ends up doing pretty much everything, what exactly does that make it? Kinda makes everything unbalanced I think. It is because of this that I see the importance of communication and that one shouldn’t automatically take things for granted. Instead cherish what you do have rather than take people for granted.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately has to do with me as a person. I am quite far from being my ideal self and accept that however there are limits to my patience. I know for a fact that I have many flaws in my character and in the process of trying to figure them out and sort them out I found out new things about myself for one, if I stuff up, I will admit I’m wrong however something which perturbs me is the way in which I’m told off. There are two main ways of doing it I think. Objectively where you just point out what’s wrong and say how situation can be avoided. The other is talking down to me like I’m a kid and well basically being harsh unnecessarily. I THINK that the first option is most appreciated because basically the second one is just uncalled for. The fact I’m wrong shows that there is something which I’ve not dealt with which is fine but what is not is getting told off in a manner in front of others in a way that puts me down. That is not cool by me on any standards. If people have something to say to me, it would be nice to tell me by myself rather than tell me in front of other people that are not necessarily involved. The fact that if I’m in the wrong( which is quite a bit heh) is bad enough and will have to deal with it, and that would be nice if I didn’t have to deal with someone going ballistic on me.
And well honestly i am by no means perfect and i know i have shortfalls, so would appreciate my flaws being pointed out in an objective manner rather than harshly. To you, U have been a key part of my life for quite some time, thanks for putting up with all of my nonsense, and yea really appreciate you for all the inputs you have added to my life =) thanks

2009-12-03T00:12:00.000-08:00

today the 3rd of Dec, is a monumental day for me. Or I think it is anyway. During my afternoon run, I realized that i have been falling away from God because of my stubborn-ness and insistance on doing things my way. So during the run, I recommitted my life back to christ and all the years i have spent endlessly drifting and doing things my own way i put behind me.
God has blessed me with a wonderful bunch of people who have been around me, shaping me to be the person i am. But the road has not always been easy and as such have been an idiot to some of them, and i truly am sorry. My actions Are my responsibility and its juvenile to think that im in things alone. I should NOT take out my frustrations on the people around me. for all the times, i have worn my emotions on my face, im sorry guys that u had to put up with it. despite being 26, i still have a long way to go in terms of controlling my emotions and thanks for putting up with me all this time. im really sorry for all the pple i have hurt during the space of these few weeks, i have not had my head on straight and i assure you, that im better now. Today i choose to man up and choose the path to be a better man in God's eyes. No doubt the journney will be rough but i will persist because i refuse to remain a boy but to grow into a man that will lead my family alongside Christ.

2009-12-02T06:01:00.000-08:00

hmm third day of summer and the night is freezing.. hell of a way to kick of summer haha
in terms of life wise, well things are pretty good, there's still pple to hang out with in dunedin (thankfully) so glad to say enjoying community time. This evening had music prac for jess's daughters dedication service next fri so i think that went well. Love ministering with the team ( or what's left of it ). Watched saving pte ryan but fell asleep partway haha cos it was a really really long movie haha. only hitch today was well something which kinda ticked me off just a weebit tonight and well that set up for a rather uncomfortable time with some of the peeps. Due to circumstances that occured something set me off and i ended up being quiet for most of night ( which under normal circumstances would be good =P ) but in this case, wasnt very appropriate. The thing about me is that i kinda wear emotions on my face so if im agitated or annoyed, the whole world would know cos my face turns pitch black and well it made for a rather.. hmm sucky demeanour. So for good portion of the night was a twit and well kinda feel bad bout it. I really have to somehow stop displaying my emotions on my face cos tat kinda immature and childish. Hey despite my 26 years on earth, i guess somethings take longer to change than others.
funny thing is that after i had time to cool off, and oddly enough after watching saving pte ryan, managed to regain control of my head and feel at peace. or at least something like that heh. Respects to men out there who are able to look like everything is fine despite having circumstances fall apart. If that happened to me, GG would describe it aptly. Having a 'pokerface' literally would be kinda handy altho that could bring its own set of problems haha
Job hunt wise is crap and nothing has appeared on SJS so whilst am looking for job cant wait for family to come in 10 days.~~!!!
mom, dad and becks together with becky's godparents are coming =)
cant wait for family to be back together again heh
ok its 312am.. think its time to sleep.. blog again soon
APL

2009-11-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

heh the lull of not studying or having classes is awesome. the post exam period is the most calm and soothing other than the frantic worry whether i pass or not >< guess cant do much bout that but to sit and wait. past few days have been mainly gymming, or trying to gym, lazing in burns, going home for dinner then chilling out with either movies or games. this is the life, and summer has only just begun.. i really need a job lol. to kill more time and to bring money in. now with so much free time, the temptation to go movies and other stuff is great but tat too costs money so heh.. job hunt begins. unfortunately this abundance of time leads to the inevitable problem of thinking.. quite a bit. im already 26.. sigh lol 4 years to 30 and in terms of average life span of humans, well am few steps behind. Haven gotten a job, haven found the ONE,haven really settled where i'll be for next few years. Guess the 2 years of army din really help either, nor did the 2 years wasted in polytech heh.. we all learn from mistakes and lol some take more impt things away like time.

moving on heh.. summer in nz well hasnt really gone off to a good start for every 1 day of sunshine theres like 3-4 days of rain.. kinda sucks but heh cant do much bout it. walking down the mall today, for the first time made me feel homesick bout being here for xmas, would give anything to be back home with family,frens. have never missed cny or xmas away from family so this will be weird experience. thankfully have some frens here so wont be as isolated whew..

have started reading books again for leisure, finally after slogging at textbooks or journal articles and heh think will be quite entertained for a while

2009-10-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

heh 9 days till D-day.. 2 exams 1 day.. 1 SATURDAY.. the horror.. the horror...
thankfully once that dreaded day is over.. its time to relax.. and get a job. how fun!
been trying to cram my head with theological stuff that heh its quite hard out. Respect to Pastors and theology academics who are able to store massive amount of information in their heads. My mind seems to have cap on data which is massively getting filled up by the hour. No doubt the study of theology is interesting but guess trying to memorize it is not as simple as i hoped.. my 3 years worth of work hanging on the thread of passing these 2 papers.. stress has fianlly hit home heh
so hope can get job at end of yr lest i get bored out of my wits over summer in LOVELY ol Dunedin. if not for the group of frens that would be here.. i would prob go insane out of boredom..
Cant believe its almost been a year already and everything seems to be slowly winding down. am goin to miss the team as they break for summer. no more wed jams, sat worship.. no idea how goin to occupy time.. mayb can finally pick up guitar which i said would do.. for a few years now.

good note is family's coming so heh cant wait for that. which brings the stress of graduation that much more.. loves it.
ok thhats it for nw. 12pm.. if get more bored.. may post again.. haha

2009-10-21T01:37:00.000-07:00

Emotional Stability..That is something that I learnt that is very important to have and something which i think i so need to work on. This essentially means having the ability to let things go.. an example is like when there's person X that u care for. Being in control with your emotions is something that guys should have total control of. What girl would want to be with an emo, emotional wreck of a guy. So APL, man up and snap out of emo-phase cos thats self-defeating heh.
The talk I had with a fren, really snapped me out of the rut that I felt i was in and this new revelation should serve me well. Hopefully this would move me one step forward of preparing myself for the future and for the one. =)

2009-10-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

ahhhh!!! I give up
im so tired of trying to live life the way i think i should..
God take over all aspects of my life am so tired of doing things of my own strength
, every little aspect im done with trying to manage things by myself using my own limited understanding.. the finals are approaching and i've been swarmed by thoughts that continually distract me from my work..
trying to not be emo.. cant afford to be emo
men of God cant be emo.. and yet .. so easy to fall back into it.
need God's plan for my life cos mine kinda sucks.. i dun wanna do things just because i want to but i want to follow HIS plan for my life.. i cant direct myself for "yoghurt" ( EXPLETIVE HERE) how am i suppose to lead someone else as well when the time comes.. of all the lousy times to receive revelation like this lol
need to also stop opening myself up to pple too much cos all it ends up for me is getting more hurt and frustration when things dun happen the way i want it to. I guess guys dun do that for a reason.. and well just found out why..
need to study study study not emo emo emo
.. whew its out .. back to stdy heh

2009-10-07T16:12:00.001-07:00

a month to my finals to my first degree.. cant wait yet worried cos have heaps to do.
past few weeks have been crazy with assignments and the uncertainty of the future,
my final essay is due fri and after tat comes the unenvieable task of studying for 2 of the most challeging papers ive fast thus far. for papers that suppose to build up my beliefs, they are good to know but insanely hard to study for. ah well.s 1 month of intensive hopefully will be enough.
also need to sort out papers for tourism next year and heh figure out what im goin to do over summer break in this 'awesome' place.

at worship prac dinner, realized how far ive come and honestly how far i have got to go before i get better. Have been stagnant for the longest time and could be because of few factors, study and prob little of lack thereof of quiet time.. hmm
somehow its taken me a while but realize that nothing i can do will ever change my life unless God wills it. and well past year have had my share of ups and downs ( mostly downs ) lol
relationships wise.. its been a mess and confusing as heck. just cant seem to accept the fact that God wont show me the one until Im ready and by the looks of things ive got a long way to go.
I have always been the 'one' who gives advice and stuff but haha sad thing is im never the one that the advice is for. talk bout irony =(
anyways.. have to do the hard thing and just leave it to God to unfold his plan.. and at same time have to be moulded to be right person
( interestingly wonder what requirements for me do i lack to become..well passable ) haha.. and well hope that can survive it cos while God knows my limits, sigh i just wish i could be content single.

on first positive note.. exercise at 6am has been goin ok so far tho almost died today cos was doing so much weights.. will hurt like mad tmr.. hope to lose 10+ kg at some stage.. im too fat and need to see 6 pack soon or eventually
anything interesting in my life other than tat.. not really
these few things have been on my mind for quite some time now
oh ya. for some reason TAWG has been going veri slow for quite a well need to jumpstart it cos cant really hear from God much cos of silly reasons that have been coming up.. man so need to work on my life..
dang sound so emo now... arghh
anyways.. again

back to assignment and life ... fun.. =)

2009-09-08T02:25:00.001-07:00

this is not a good start to the semester.. 3rd day of semester already and im sooo tired. of everything. I slacked around too much during break so now have back to back assignments to do.
Stuff has happened around me in which i'm affected so that kinda sux. Was at leaders meeting today and well.. honestly for the first time in a while.. felt like i dun deserve to be there.
Is this what it feels like to be burnt out? cos if it is it really sux. While im worried bout studies, things just keep happening to tick me off.. arghhh
heh well now that tats out of picture, man of all times to be burdened down , 'love' the timing for this.
I still enjoy serving but think have been doing it out of my own strength so feel really tired.. leading anyway.
looks like need to chillax abit to get my head on right.
studies wise things piling up and have so much to catch up on. really wish had more time to cover stuff but gotta make do with what i have. sigh
so tired being me.. physically draining, emotionally draining.. i wish i could take a break being me
if i could .. i would just let myself operate and let body function on its own( yea i know its not possible but heh )
man wish family was here.. mom dad becky.. sigh
hope dun stay in this state for long.. its depressing sigh
APL

2009-08-31T02:23:00.000-07:00

Heh first day of mid-semester break has been awesome so far. Woke up late, then went to beach with foundation friends. After long drive, went there and the sun was awesome.. tried playin touch for abit then got bored and just buried aufar in the sand.. haha good times
Bit guilty that haven started on any of essays yet but guess will spend rest of week doing it so it kinda balances out. Still haven quite sussed out what Im intending to study next year yet and heh looking forward to/ dreading it at the same time.
kinda getting tired of mindless writing of essays and heh cant wait to just relax.. for a while before worrying bout next year haha

church wise.. things are awesome.. or kinda awesome.. cos one of guys pulled out of LG, my LG is currently shelved but heh other than tat other aspects of church still rock. Serving in worship team has never been as fulfilling and really glad and able to grow and serve in this manner heh. Relationships wise.. haha i still kinda have a long way to go from being ready to find the 'one'.
Still have many things to work on and prepare myself for.. and well haha so far process seems slow but heh ill get there... eventually.. i hope.. heh
This season seems to be the season for getting attached.. or in finding the right one for different pple around me. Not that it pressures me much but heh.. personally i know im prob not as ready as each of these people so kinda have no right to be jealous or envious about. wish i was ready now but think that cant happen overnight. so have to wait for it to happen over time.. sigh
so many eligible pple around me and yet haha think i have long way to go to be close to their level/ standard. heh
of all the things which i think im not called for is the gift of celibacy cos well i dun really like not being able to share my life with someone.. so haha call me a sap if u must but tats wat i think.
i went to watch a movie with some friends over weekend , the ugly truth and honestly wat struck me most about gerard butler's role other than him being crude is that he actually helped katherine heigl's character out with her love interest that when he eventually fell for her , he couldnt do anything bout it..
ironically i feel that way that i seem to be able to help everyone except myself.. kinda sad in a way but haha guess if tats the way it works for now. then ill just stick to it. somehow in my view. despite wanting to help pple out. i seem to sacrifice myself and my feelings in the process. the expense of helping others out seems noble but personally its one of the hardest things i have to do.
the price/cost of being APL is alot.. i do enjoy helping pple out.. its just at times.. i wish i could just exist.. emotionally heh despite stigma that men do not have emotions, some of us do and i seem to be one of those 'fortunate' chaps that do. how some men remain emotionless and distant from their feelings seem well at times something that i wish i had. but that cost would mean i wouldnt care about my family, frens which is a cost that im not willing to pay.
heh this from day 1 of holiday.. 6 more days ( and mayb more) of blogging insight to come =)

2009-07-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

bleah. 2nd week of uni back and well.. kinda glad have things to do to occupy time now.. things getting bz at uni with assignments and stuff coming up. last sem in uni for deg.. scary thought. God willing i can clear everything then my scary journey called life begins. and if worrying bout uni is not hard enough as it is, i kinda stuffed up something which meant and kinda still means heaps to me.
recently few days back i was confronted with a decision to talk to a fren about a particular topic. and being suddenly confronted by it, i initially thought it was a good idea to clarify stuff.. which in normal circumstances is good but in mine.. totally ruined in my view.. the frenship. since having the talk, i have been treated differently from this otherwise close fren of mine. It has come to a point where, even when im with her, i struggle to talk because of the tension in the air. In other cases it would be better to talk things thru but in this case, all it did was cost me the friendship.. which in this case. i cant even begin to explain. So in a mere week?, everything changed and the person i thought i knew, apparently i dun anymore. Is there a silver lining in this? heh if there is i cant find it and well.. i guess this happens in life and well gonna have to deal with it somehow.
Keep replaying in my mind the situation and if i had just shut up, all this would have been avoided..
I wish i had just shut up
APL.. =(

2009-06-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

hmm now that exams over.. can restart long forgotten hobby of blogging..
quite sure no one follows this blog anymore so can write as much as i wish.
sigh really hope can pass upcoming exams cos hope to graduate soon haha
need to pray hard that God opens the door so can stay here.. if not have to go back to sG which would rather stay here a while more.. my heart is still with dunedin
unfortunately while my heart remains here.. part of me will be lost come next year.. a dear fren may be moving away to get a job elsewhere and that is something which i am so not looking forward to . I've known her for quite some time and shes someone i can be myself around. Just silly ol' APL
just being able to open up and share my thoughts and life with her has been one of the greatest things that have happened in my life and come next year when she leaves.. part of me will be going away and .. as much as i dun wan that to happen.. if its God will she moves, haha who am i to say anything about it.
which brings me to my dilemma.. this 3 weeks will be a time where i need to sit down and pray my heart out for things that i see as important. Job, PR , location these are some of things on my agenda..
These things are some of the things i have to surrender to God and let his will be done.. Who am i to insist on doing things my way. The creator of heaven and earth will surely know what hes doing much better than i do haha
while i am growing older, I continue to believe that God has the ideal woman out there for me..
I need to train myself to be the godly leader,man that I have been called to be.
Just hard at times.. doing life, with no one to share my heart out totally to. Which is why by her leaving, I would have lost someone who i greatly care about. While we will be seperated by a vast distance, i pray that the friendship will still last because.. well she means that much to me..
heh.. not bad 1st post in a while and u get emo APL..
heh so free now.. this is best thing to do to clear head heh
APL

2009-03-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

lets see.. where do i begin
this is like 5th week of being a 3rd year uni BA student and.. well I kinda have lot more time than i expected.. which is good and bad depends on how u look at it. i kinda have more freedom to do work at my own pace.. which well i guess is good.. in a way. I kinda miss having more classes, like in foundation having same classmates cos my papers are so random that i rarely see people for long.. sigh

have few assignments due before mid sem break so trying to cram them out asap
church wise.. am enjoying my ministry and still growing in it, am grooming up new leaders to take over/assist with service so thats good. worship is something which i can continually do and not get tired of.. so tats awesome .camp is coming up and am so excited for tat and yet.. something has been on my mind for a while and tats kinda main reason why im posting on this.

I've known X for quite a while now..but somehow never got to know her that well until this year.
the more i get to know and interact with her the more i feel comfortable around her and stuff.. The thing is she's pretty, smart and alot of fun to be around, whilst i'm average.. not too intelligent and i hope i;m fun to be around haha.
The thing is that I'm tired of just having one sided crushes cos heh i know too well wat its like for things to go south really fast. The only thing i can do now is well i haven the foggiest idea because she is like (yea sounds cliche but too bad) the ideal person that i had in mind. The only thing is I have no idea how she feels because prob dun dare ask her or I think i can guess the answer.
Its just annoying how someone so seeming perfect is there but u cant quite do anything about it .
Only thing i can do now is pray that either a) a situation arises where i can do something about it or b) which is my least fav.. watch as her life unfolds and I can kick myself in the butt for not doing anything. sigh.. I know i should just wait for God to send the ideal person it.. and i really hope its someone like X.. cos aiya.. dunno la
for now.. all i can do is wait and pray.. sigh

2008-09-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hmm i dunno if its just the pressure of assignments due and impending exams that scares the crap out of me to make me think more but nevertheless in the walk down from uni today, well i was doing what i do best ( thinking la wat else)
In parts of our life, we let people into our life and have the time of our lives together, what happens when tat phase ends? what happens when people get different priorities and move away from the group ( not happening now but just thinking). are we suppose to just wave and wish them all the best?
heck should i know cos im the one thinking..
in 5-10 years from now.. when most of people would have settled down.. will people still wan to catch up with each other or will the 'busy' people choose not to given their priorities??
seems fickle enuff but this was on my mind the whole walk down
that being said.. how would u feel if u were treated like a substitute
as in person X seems to 'want' to hang out with u when person Y is busy
when Y is free.. u never hear a peep from X.. funny isnt it
am i the only one to find that degrading? well mayb just sad but same idea
heh phase of life? who knows haha
what to do? live goes on.. just kinda shows how much ur frenship means to person X( aka not a lot)
another thing that puzzles me is how attraction works. As in not so much why we get attracted , its more like how do u not get attracted to someone.. can u like put up defenses and hope it works? LOL i wish things were tat easy
if any thing cant wait to go home.. too many things happened this year and need my year end 3 month break to reflect and possibly move on.. ( damn thing is harder than i tot.. oh well part of life)
APL out

2008-07-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

hmm 9 months since i last used this site.. impressive
heh i wish life has improved in the 9 months and it has.. well sort of
cleared all papers last sem which was good..
and facing 3 quite full on papers this sem..
been busyish these few days with stuff and well not as 'lovely' a picture as i imagined.
have had many things on my mind these few weeks that sigh wish could turn back time and done things differently
i'm intrigued by the concept of holding on
in the song at outreach this song was something that stuck with me for quite a while
very uplifting song especially in this grey area in my life
when ur in a bad/confusing part of ur life.. how long do u hold on for?
till something happens? or till u cant stand it anymore
how long will u wait for something to happen? and if it doesnt wat will u do ?
these are but some of the questions im seeking answers for and they just dun seem to come
how long do i have to subject myself to these thoughts i wonder..
how long will u wait for someone before u realize that nothing will ever happen no matter how much time has passed?
what happens then? yea the ardous journey of letting time heal all wounds..
so wish there was a way to skip this process
would save me lot of heartache heh
laters
APL

2007-10-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

yea!! one paper down 3 to go ..
all 3 in 5 days .. haha starts next thur..
paper on a sat.. cant get any better heck yea it can
its andrew lincoln we're talking bout here of course it will get worse
long story short b4 these papers.. got figuratively shot, stabbed, struck with a sledgehammer against a brick wall.. all within 24 hrs
love story of my life so far
keep story short.. was a nice person was iinterested in and well things go well..
then i did something stupid like txt too much
then next thing i know im showing too much attention to her.. i give up ay
this is why im single at 24.. cos i seem to be anti- relationship
anything i seek, ends up getting furthur away..
oh well crap happens.. life goes on and no time to mope exam in 6 days and need all the time i can get.. God if ur listening I really need your help now.. Plz

2007-10-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

heh 9 days to exams.. or till 1st paper which hopefully will have 40/70 for internals
hopefully that shld be ok then have a few days to mug for the big 3.. one of which i already have 51.5% of so tats already a pass haha
the other 2 i have have 70% weightage for finals so argh need to go hard out
other than studying for ages in CAL serving has been awesome these few weeks with so many awesome things happening during worship aye.
so need to seek God when i go back to be able to flow and worship the way am supposed to ..
bit sad wont get to see many of my dear friends graduate this yr.. hopefully will try and spend time with them before i head back to SG
On a personal note haha i was praying for direction on a particular situation and to my surprise i actually got sort of an answer to my question only a few minutes later. i mean ya answer wasnt wat i was expecting but it shows that God does listen to prayers. altho what u get may not be wat u expect to hear. other than tat hoping to finish papers so can sort of my leaving this yr flat and preparing to head home.. hang on peeps in SG APL is coming home.. albeit with a bit more weight since busted knee wasnt able to exercise much,, no worries more of APL to love hahahahaha
APL out

2007-09-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

man so fast and its end sept.. in couple of weeks nov... then year end
time passes so fast this sem.. seems like only yesterday had to endure first phil lect now have to prepare for exam on it.. oh well
past 2 weeks have been tied down with so many assignments its crazy no wonder not many pple want to do arts.. so many essays and assignments to do .. oh well might as well stick in it and graduate then do something else haha
but guess prob have to start mugging like mad once all assignments are done which should be this week latest..
ministry wise things are going well.. passion for worship got reignited at counted 07 hehe
cant wait to get back into it..
personal stuff haha.. not much new haha ( i know thats why ur reading this blog wahhaa)
or at this stage cos well.. i dunno wat steps to take now.. cos well in past ive never had progress in any relationships and well in this aspect im as new to it as anyone else
at this point just praying hard and seeking guidance.. cos i dun wan to ruin it by rushing or anything so haha will relax and see how things progress..
tats all im saying so there hahaha

2007-08-30T05:23:00.000-07:00

well so much for ol' Andrew trick cant seem to get it to work anymore, guess im prob growing up.. it was childish of me to think of tat as a solution to my prob.. guess i'm finally maturing or at least i hope so lol
interestingly enuff i have a fren who shared some stuff with me and some others recently, it was sort of like a testimony of sorts but then again it could have just been his feelings at the time.
In a nutshell the scary thing was that wat he was going thru was pretty much exactly what i had been going thru last yr. the whole partying aspect and drinking aspect was a part of my life back then and it was a norm for me ever so often. it seemed to be fun at the time but as time passed emptiness began to creep in.. heh after a while i just lived that lifestyle devoid of any purpose and was desperate to get out of it but i was kinda drawn in quite a bit cos most if not all my FY friends were doing it. As a result half of my income was spent on alcohol and other assorted vices; ps not drugs tats just wrong stuff .
but it was only after i got back home and spoke to my dad about it was i able to see past all the 'glamour' of it and realized that the emptiness i felt would never be satisfied by partying or alcohol, rathers it's my walk with God and the close christian friends which would see me through this stage of my life and alcohol will never be able to fill that void.
I mean its not easy for sure i have fallen once or twice back to it but thankfully with God's hand in my life, the road has been manageable and thanx to the awesome pple around me, i'm able to stay on course and live a more meaningful life.

2007-08-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

hehe mid week in this break of holidays and can say it has gone pretty well so far.. been trying to update on readings and lectures notes but man weather has been pretty good so far except for today other days had nice sunshine. heh last night was interesting cos i sorta panicked after realizing that my intention for going to missions was wrong and well was on the verge of having a major breakdown crisis but thankfully managed to speak to two of my frens one here and one back home in SG so that sort of helped get me back on track. cos was quite bad because my motive for going for missions well was sort of gd/baddish
cos for one i really wanted to go and help other was tat 2 of my frens were goin.
now that one may/is not goin i dunno whether im going for them or for myself..
advice given was to seek God and there my answer will be ..
which sounds valid enuff..
weirder thing is that how can i base my actions on others, i should live my life my way( GOd's way but thru me of course hehe just tot shld add that in )
so at this point trip is i dunno still gotta seek answers and guidance from those close to me.
with regards to " other problems" that arise.. guess have to do and 'ol' andrew trick and buzz off from hehe..

2007-08-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

hmm what has been happening.. well its mid semester brk so 1 week to fully concentrate on studying which it wat i shld be doing and am trying to but then again with so much time my dreaded foe has returned.. deep thinking sigh.. whenever i have too much time on my hands this always seem to happen. heh busier i am less likely to bother but this seems to be the trend at this stage. well for one have heaps of readings to do so that shld take up most of time but then again there are its odd moments of self reflection. For anyone who even reads this well , relationships wise haha after so many years being around ,.. haha i'm still quite hopeless at it.. just when i tot i was able to move on again.. something else came in my way.. and now haha that also seems to have a dead end.. so much for finding someone at this stage of my life haha..
Hope its not a sign that ill remain a single guy for rest of my life cos well track record doesnt seem to good at this stage. church wise im having a blast so many pple around that i haven actually had much time to spend with but nonetheless everyone is awesome.. a bit sad that next year many will be gone tho. lifegrp so far is awesome haven had in depth sharing for quite a while so tat aspect is quite refreshing. TAWG wise bit stagnant but trying to improve tat aspect learnt quite a bit last night from night church on how to read and understand the bible which was for me quite useful. hehe
other than tat looking forward to heading home at end of yr and well still trying to figure out how to prepare self for missions trip next year.. so far in a nutshell this has been wats goin on in the life of APL
outz

2007-07-02T04:16:00.000-07:00

hehe been a while since last entry
in this time, have had holidays and been up to not much interesting other than badminton and staying over at frens hse whilst getting snowed in
other than tat trying to find stuff to do in winters hard as not tat much job available
and the best part the anti -relationship magnet (ie me) has struck again
however this time hehe i will avoid damage unlike last mishap which lasted me a year.. or thereabouts
or at least try to..
rather than staying and getting closer to the person and get hurt the most when someone else catches her fancy, ill prob do wat ive done before and well has worked for me thus far.. ie RUNNNN!!!!
but honestly cant think of a better way of resolving prob.
ie if theres no hope in it ever goin anywhere, two options, friend which basically means happy for the person no matter wat it is ie getting new bf etc
or errr no generic name for it.. which means u conviniently drift away until their existence means little or naught to u
the right thing to do is to remain or fren route, the usual thing i choose is drift which has worked pretty well thus far.. the thing is would it cost me the frenship
well YA
but then again if it saves u the heartache of being around when she's with another guy
hmm seems quite dummy proof to me haha
oh wells
back to life of a wandering single i guess
sigh..

2007-05-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

time has passed so fast just when i had to get used to uni life, its already almost the end of a sem
well not quite but have 4 wks to exams.. am so not liking bcom cos maths really bad so when doin finance topics am dying. so much so will prob drop it as dun wan to fail any subj and risk devalueing my degree. ya it will cost a quite a sum but i find compared to the long term benefits this would wake me up pretty gd which it has..
Life this yr has been more tame compared to last yr
i have stopped goin out with frens and well basically living a more normal(ie boring life)
but its fine cos now i have better things to fill my time with (ie church stuff)
tho im not as active when i was back in CM im still trying to help out in ways tat i can
im also doing TKD tho do not profess to be tat good in it
i suppose in a way i do miss my ol lifestyle but realise its for the better as now i have more impt things to concentrate on other than studies of course
haha the "interesting" subj well i still am hopeless at
i guess one reason why i tried the student lifestyle was to try and fit in which i did but i realise for the wrong reasons
so now im left to be myself .. which haha i admit is not particularly interesting
tho i try .. realli hard hehe
frens wise totally mixing with frens for last yr FY
in terms of tutorial mates well dun relli talk to them much no particular reason why tho
'nice people' there are a few but well after being burned a bit in the past trying to think bout it too much and bother goin after cos if i learnt from experience by the time u actually r interested in someone things can swing either ways gd or realli bad
id rather just be myself(not hard) and let God bring someone to my life. basically there are nice girls arnd me its just tat i dun wan to rush things for any reason but just to have mingle and have fun in process
anyways this shld do for now till next post
Cheerio
APL

2007-04-20T13:30:00.000-07:00

hmm been a while since last post so quite a few things to say .. for now well i just finished 3 mid semester tests in a row and tat's as stressful as it gets cos day after u sit for one there's another etc for 3 days straight
only good thing is that i know i realli need to work harder cos was finding it hard to cope with some of the subjects. good news is that after speaking with the course advisor next sem i can switch to a BA in education= teaching.. its totally different from commerce which i found to realise ill be hopeless at. so for now just got to pass these papers to keep the credits..
the wk b4 tat was awesome as my parents were in NZ and had a great time in Wanaka and Te Anau.. Tat weekend as well i went for international service homegroup camp and whoa it was a blast.. i met so many new pple that now i cant use the reason that i dun noe anybody there as an excuse not to go..
met my share of interesting and nice pple which i most of the time dun get to see on sun cos most of them just come for international service on sat
anyways other than the above not much change else other than now i've managed to tone down a whole lot as i've realized that well.. im here to study not to go crazy and have fun .. in the process to find more bout God's Plan for my life which presently i have no inkling about..
other than tat my life is pretty average have good frens arnd and nice pple around me.. life is good
APL

2007-03-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

haha in case anyone still reads this dead blog.. well im still alive.. by not much
so far wk 5 in uni and its not bed of roses.. math(finance) is killing me.. am realli questioning whether it was a good idea to do commerce.
well its too late to do phys ed or human nutrition but guess if need be there are other stuff which i can do .. i know marketing may nt have much math but honestly deep down dunno if i can market anything at all.. anyways
weather here is erratic as always..
these days my weeks revolve arnd
mon- tkd
tues- musos
wed- tkd
thur-free for now
fri-lifegrp
weekends still not so bad..
sat have time of fellowship with relatives
sun service( boo yeah) n catch up if possible
socially wise well sorta slowed down since last year
no more parties, drinking etc
suppose its better for me but leaves me with more time ..
somehow life in uni is diff from fy
harder to make frens cos rarely c same grp of pple
tho still c foundy frens.. most are still cool but now tat out of foundy hard to get in touch with others
oh well guess tats the price of moving on..
will try to blog more.. with extra time haha
laters
APL

2007-03-02T18:13:00.000-08:00

hehe after 3- 4 months of not blogging im back..
finally moved into my new spacious place and recently have added internet access to it..
will now be able to update blog more often .. mayb hehe
1st wk of uni has passed and well as excited as i was for it to start i have been thinking whether studying commerce is right for me because the reality is that i have a more intense interest in physical education instead but am not sure if would be possible to study it at university level.
O'week has passed and thankfully i have spent my days at home resting and chilling rather than goin out
as the new semester begins i hope to get into a solid routine which will help me keep focused and yet have fun at the same time as well.
will update more soon..
Ciao~
APL

2006-12-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

hehe haven updated in mucho long time haha
ive been back in SG since 18 nov and wat have i done.. basically stayed at home cos had to have minor surgery at tan tock seng hospital.. recovery is uber slow and doc said to rest and home so have been homebound since.. prob look for job once i get better other than tat family is fine and enjoying their company . on a good note ive stopped drinking and have basically mellowed down quite a bit.
about time too. awaiting results for FY and praying hard can pass cos i felt it didnt go as well as i expected , anyways other than tat missed quite a few of my frens already.. shout out to Comm A best class ive been in period miss u guys heaps and will need to meet up next year to catch up. so far managed to keep in contact with some of the guys. hmm most of girls dun use msn so tat a bit hard but anyways
time fortunately has been my fren in one particular case.. i have been home for about 2 wks... this time away from nz has i think and hope slowly mellowed some feelings i had for someone who i tot i was close to.. dun ask its just one of those things tat was bound to happen i just didnt want it to. as time passes am sure i would be fine once most of feelings hav died id be back to norm (again i hope this happens). Having fun with my church frens , new pple in and just chilling with those who i consider close to me. this is somethin which i have been waiting for the whole year and now its feels great will update more since haha am stuck at home
APL out for today hAhAAHA

2006-11-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

finally just got home to SG and since have quite some time to reflect, time to recap the year in general,
lifestyle wise in dunedin its quiet ... real quiet
studies wise.. for a 2 yr break its not too bad.. hopefully can pass and get into uni if not dang back to drawing board for rnd 2 if it happens
frens wise in dunedin i made many close frens and many ill be proud to call my frens...
relationships wise.. start of year was bad middle was getting worse 3/4 way haha much worse and now.. wat do u think would i be able to get something good from it? haha nice try answers is as predicted .. crap
ah well at least everything has been layed on the table and the choice was made.. as much as i wasnt surprise.. dunno why still felt a glimmer of hope in tat situation..
tat's wat happens , as much as u know something.. it is different when its told to u point blank..
good time to move on APL..
dunno why u bothered to stick arnd to get urself into more hurt but hey im one of those dense one who still believes the impossible until it slaps u in the face..
it shldnt bother me cos i said i didnt care but in a odd and twisted way i do..
But hey im a gentleman bout it and the better man won.. all's fair in love and war as they say..hmm came bak last night and just tonight got into arguement with folks..
as usual i was in the wrong but i was too stubborn to know when to call my bluff.. i guess i will never be able know when to just leave it and shut up and when to fight one..
they were prob rite bt heh so much for trying to be in control of some assets.. watever i've made do in NZ due to my decisions and this aint goin to change much
looks like realli got to work
relationship wise, haha im like a train wreck waiting to happen , the more u wait the longer u realise nothing is goin to show.. oh well cant change tat part of me much but hey u never know till u try
will i apologise prob but not anytime soon..
budget wise heh dun have much say in tat so too bad..

2006-10-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

ah 1 wk of study break left then finals.. am panicking quite badly now but well im trying my best and i hope tat its enuff .. in my time here ive made my fair share of close frens and interesting acquaintances. I would realli love to be back next year and hope my rusty brain wont fail me now when i need it the most.. looking back on the frens ive made thus far i can safely say im proud of them.. most of them anyways haha have my share of buddies and circle of those i trust .. and well cant just end of without having my share of well erm.. dunno if they can be called crushes cos im like a bit too mature to have crushes.. haha i wish. all i can say is tat im pretty sure ive moved on cos well feelings if left dead will end up tat way.. or at least that is wat im hoping for soon..
for all those who r hoping ill reveal names etc.. .......... can keep dreaming cos that aint goin to happen anytime soon ..
Friends.. cant live without them .. would be a miserable excuse of a person if didnt have any ,. which is an improvement considering how the past few years ive had like few frens no thnx to my previous experience which i finished in NOV 11 2005.
Just a thought.. do friends actually mean pple who u can remain close to for a long time or pple who under different circumstances would not ever care if u existed.. seriously i have no idea and i hope tat the pple im close to regard me as frens feel the same way i do..
ive gotten to know quite a few pple well and i hope that we'll still be able to be close cos well honestly the start was rough cos i was like err.. more senior than most of them( actually all of them but saying it to make myself feel better and/or console myself that im like a relic compared to most of them hahaha) but thankfully i was able to mingle around and integrate myself into Commerce A which so happens to be the best Class in FY.. and now it feels like everyone is family or close to it..
which is why im concerned that just because we were a tight group in FY would it mean that we'll still be close or as time passes past , we'll drift apart in our own cliches.. ? Bit out of topic cos i would actually need to pass in order to feel that but it still would be the same..
The frens i have made here ,FY DCMFY Elim.. will always be in my heart
Only hope that as time passes, we'll get closer and not drift apart..
To those who i can regard as frens and bro's (sis's dun have dunno why LOL)
i salute u for making this a great year for me..
Look forward to passing and being back next yr(off to pray and mug )
ps mug=study like no day no night

2006-10-15T01:47:00.000-07:00

sigh. a month till exams trying to go hard out but lol have a lot of stuff to cover, anyways spring is here and its a bit warmer tho weather still erratic. spending any other available time in lib trying to cram work in.. so far quite ok closer to time not so sure.. time also drawing near to go home to SG. about time too.. getting sick of food here real bad.. cant wait for mum and grand parents cookng.. gotta hang in there for a bit longer.. *break over* back to study.. sad life eh

2006-10-09T01:27:00.000-07:00

ah .. its been so long since i last blogged. last time was just to put up pics.. cant recall when i last wrote anything,. life has been crazy, 1 month to exams.. last wk was on break but had 2 essays to do 2 tests to study for and tons of math homework. just handed in 1 essay today and just finished other one( i think). got to start on math hmework and revision soon.. anyways so far i have been ok celebrated my bday last wed and dang it was nice.. not one of my usual birthdays tats for sure Comm A kicks ASS... anyways sigh sad most time i blog is when things are rough but haha this is no exception. have a nice classmate who i help her with work and stuff and i was like eh her characteristics quite pleasant.. and just when i intend to ask her out just found out sat she got a BF few days earlier.. and that just sux so bad.. talk bout lousy with ladies, cant realli get any worse than tat .. other than tat trying not to think bout it too much cos exams coming and hopefully when go back will pretty much forget bout it.. hmm trying to do so now .. not as ez as i tot.. anyways back to books later all
(shout out to anyone left reading this)

2006-10-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

hi all these pics were taken last fri.. background had a 2 hr brk and so couple of frens(in picture) decided to go to st clairs. drove there enjoyed scenery i took following pics then went back for class. weather was great.. scenery was too but just went wanted to get pic of seagulls camera batt died so no pic of those birds oh well.. at least managed to take there pics

2006-09-18T01:29:00.000-07:00

hi after a long hiatus here are the much awaited pics

2006-08-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

ah well its been quite some time since i've been here in dunedin and i decided to sit down and recap how my life has
changed since coming here.. and well sad to say it hasnt been as fruitful as i had hoped. when i say this its not the results or studying cause that aspect has been great.. the problem is how i have developed as a person. things that i have looked down upon and distanced myself from have somehow changed me. and i dun mean for the better
I guess its time andrew lincoln wakes up and realises what has happened..for one my walk with the Lord has sort of stagnated and well im not as involved in church as i used to be back home. On the one hand as close i try to get to God, somehow things will come and blow it off course.. this is not something to be proud of and am battling to try to restore the balance. On the whole as i'm getting to meet more people and develop frenships.. i have seen many kinds of pple here in uni.. the whole student drinking culture is too real for comfort. pple u dun normally speak to will become good frens and well it is somewhat unsettling.. it seems drinking is the few ways of meeting people as absurd as it sounds.. here to pple drinking and smoking complement each other for some weird reason.. relationships wise.. well still same ol.. sux at it so not much change there.. only thing that i wanna bring up is that its true the more u spend time with someone the more attached u feel to the person.. and well in my case it sux big time. somehow things have ways of not working out the way u wan so haha have to deal with the reprecussions. and u'll be surprised how when u spend time with someone many things about them u'll be willing to overlook. from little things to big things somehow pple get drawn in and by the time they realise it , it will be too late and have to deal with the heartache that will follow.. moral of the story watch urself well and for crying out loud open ur eyes when dealing with others. cos i for one didnt and well long story short.. ended up trying to go after someone who back in singapore i wouldnt give a second glance.. but hey its all part of learning.. only exception to this is if pple change but who are u to know if and when they'll change.. recovery process is slow but getting there.. oh yeah back to topic.. altho i think as time passed i feel my values haven changed much certain things have been 'accepted' as the norm here but i guess its time i make a stand and lay my foot down on these. I'll try to walk back into the path set for me by the big man upstairs and hopefully if all goes well when i get back ill become a better person. apl's serious blog over...:)

2006-07-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

2006-07-26T22:26:00.000-07:00

2006-07-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

2006-07-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

its finally thursday.. can feel weekend upon me.. gd time to.. been given so many assignments its not funny.. have gotten some pics from ski trip to queenstown from some frens(mine not saved onto usb just yet so have to wait while longer while i figure out how to do so frm my cam. sch wise has been like i said tough and busy but its still better than staying home wonder wat to do. been spending some time studying with frens at hostel so its been good.. room wise still messy but liveable.. haven cooked proper meal since moving in and well looking at the kitchen doubt i ever will at least here anyway.
frens wise still quite good but lol if only life was tat simple where everything is so peaceful.. haha oh well.. no one ever said life is smooth..
one of my close frens recently got hooked up and well i am supposed to feel happy for person but well opposite is tru.. feel glad for them bt at same time feel like crap for watever reason.. now dilemma is whether to just be there and stay silent or just mind my own biz and left it drift away( i dun exactly mean drinking myself silly altho tat is tempting haha..
cos wat i am sure is that looking at things are now.. frenship will never go anywhere cos generally one pple get attached they seem to drift away from frens.. so contemplating speeding the process since i wont lose much cept mayb herfrenship which one looking back has been well ok.. more time to contemplate this aspect of life and well tis is part tat sux.. next post will be of pics from trip from frens
enjoy

2006-07-23T02:45:00.000-07:00

ah.. sigh back to sch tmr.. just got back from ski trip to queenstown and it was a blast had a great time took some nice shots and just hung out with my classmates and frens much more so it was all good will try to upload pics onto site soon. now the tough part comes, which is to crank up the engine to get back into study groove once again.. other than tat 2nd sem has been more intensive work wise and starting to get back on right track.. relationships wise.. still sux in tat dept.. but guess in order to set myself back on track and carry on with life, drastic times call for drastic measures.. wat do i mean? still working on tis aspect cos as much i as dun wan to resort to wat i had to do in spore.. the situatiion may call for it to be done one last time,, stil in the dark? oh well just my way of dealing with relationship probs no big deal.. ah yeah where was i.. have quite a few assignments and presentations due so have started to work on them now so that closer to time i wont be so stressed.. for now cant think of anymore to write about so ill leave more time for inspiration to come.. Cheers for now
APl

2006-07-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

An so the day has once again passed in the 2nd last week of the mid semester break.. brings bittersweet thoughts as even though classes will resume soon after finding out my results which were less than satisfactory but were sufficient to keep me here whew.. the reality sets in that i have a lot of ground to cover .. as such will have to get back into the gear of studying even in the final week of the break. to top it off.. this is my second day in my 'new' flat and well even tho i get my space.. to be honest i still have a funny feeling bout this place.. a bit late but its not horrible enuff to regret just yet but other than its price and location, thats all the benefits it has actually the rest are just quirks which hopefully can be resolved asap. altho i save the money from taking a cab home. somehow still find it weird i just pray and hope this feeling will go away.. im ok with staying by myself its just that the accommodation now gives a veri diff vibe which i am and will be wary of. doesnt help this place doesnt have net so actually wrote this blog on wordpad before using uni internet to send it to blog.. sad 5 mths+ without internet at finger tips will be rough tats for sure.. less i stay at com lab but now too soon to say.. ill be honest im worried because given the circumstances i really hope to be able to survive here cos as optimistic i am presently well i have doubts just cant put finger on it
there are points i will miss staying with my aunt and well cons there are .. helped shape decision making process a bit
well in a surprising new feature bout me.. my walk with GOd has had it tough points here.. somehow church integration to elim isnt goin as smooth as i hoped and well up to now still bit shaky in it.. friend wise here have made many good friends and close frens .. altho journey has been interesting with diff characters.. whilst i had more frens in church in SG here most of frens are not from my church,, so i have a vast variety of pple who are quite diff to me in many aspects but have been able to adapt well here . In another bold move on my part to open up.. area of BGR in my life has been well less than ideal as well.. when i first came had a crush but didnt last cos of well overwhelming differences haha.. good thing it blew over reasonably fast.. now well there is someone interesting i know but well basically she's everything that i didnt expect i would fall for in a person.. however given present situation friendship is all we are and well would prob keep it this way for the time being as well , as much as i find her intruiging and mysterious, i have realised that things maynot be all they seem and so now am just taking it slow and observing to see what the future brings.. if things go well, which i hope they do then things may get interesting .However if nothing improves well if being friends is all we can be then its good enough for me. I have made the mistake of revealing feelings i have had for pple in the past and so far haha all have blown back in my face so now am goin to try and be wiser to sit tight. If the chance comes along great if not well that is life. I would rather she not hear it from me and make things awkward as friends cos i will not jeapordise this friendship because of my revelation. So even if she gets attached to someone else.. it wont realli phase me. my only concern and prayer is that she'll be happy and be with a guy of reasonable character and not end up with some jerk and end up getting hurt as eventhough these are beyond my control.. i wouldnt want it to happen to her let alone anyone else i noe.. as u can c this is a weird thing to say but for now its all i am feeling .who is this mystery gal? haha wouldnt u like to noe.. if it is meant to be u'll know if not then well some times are just left unexplained .
haha realise this is realli un-Andrew like but guess in my journey to become a better person this time of reflecting is sort of necessary and well sharing with family/frens is something which i want to do.. even if someone else comes along at least they can read this tragic/ or not interesting blog .. ah well getting late and shld be getting some slp night so tats all for blog on sun 9 jul 3am nz time..
AnDreW

2006-06-28T01:08:00.000-07:00

greetings to whoever still reads this.. have been dead quiet here first of exams and now becos its too boring with nothing to do i have decided to revive this pretty much dead blog.. well not tat i have anything better to do anyway.. miss spore so much cos here there's absolutely nothing to do unlike spore where is a city tat never sleeps.. counting months till i return and go wild(in a manner of speaking at least) ..
The prev posts was taken on sun , it was a fishing trip with me and my uncle from singapore. he was teachig me how to fish and the little thing in the bag is a small fish i caught but released cos was too small to be worth cooking.. oh well u win some u lose some.. and at a point in my stay where im a bit anxious cos firstly i may be moving to flat out by myself and secondly cos im not sure if i can make it to the 2nd sem .. the reasons are as follow's the papers were much harder than i expected so as prepared as i was.. somehow seemed a bit below standard.. so praying like mad tat will get thru and now have been looking arnd for place cos taking a 10 buck cab right when i want to go home at night is not veri fun.. not to mention cold standing waiting for it to arrive.. ah well other than tat same old same old trying to lose weight but dumb cold not making it any easier. option is when flat out since cant cook well prob end up eating less and will still lose weight only not by choice haha .. anyways will blog again soon when boredom strikes(which is prob tmr) later all
ApL(frozen in DnD)

2006-06-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

2006-06-15T04:22:00.000-07:00

haiz.. 4 down 2 to go.. exams i mean.. been so busy with papers haven blogged in a while.. anyways since 2 more to go gonna to have to go all out cos past few papers have been hard and lol a bit worried may not make it.. which will be sad considering realli wanna do well and get to uni.. holidays are coming up as well but for now have no idea wat to do am hoping to be able to travel and take some pics cos site a bit sparse now. wil input some pics from my class dinnner.. erm quite some time ago but haven had chance to post them.. here are a few
of them

2006-06-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

sigh... today official marks the time left before exams to a week.. 7 days of all out mugging.. not fun but for desperation sake i gotta.. well for all those who think i didnt study.. i did just didnt memorise them well now its time to memorise them. cos for a few of my subj's i know generally wat its about hard part is to get into details which can be a bit hazy..Winter has set it and well only few days and im already missing spore heat and sun.. woke up tis morning freezing while wearing 3 layers of clothing..(ok fine fine they were quite thin layers)
gd thing is tat ive started studying in lib.. bad thing is i have transport probs cos stay a bit too far away.. anyways taking time to update blog before exam and hopefully will have time to update it again soon later
APL

2006-05-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Morning World.. anyways a new day to face new things.. from a fresh perspective(and a few hrs to slp on it) well honestly from a purely christian perspective.. i shld just take it and learn from it.. so as crappy as i feel and stuff i guess i will always be the dumb sucker who cares for others whether they appreciate it or not.. guess its in built in my dna.. just figured no matter how some treat u.. in the long run it;ll pay off.. anyways so off to farmers market then to choir then to badminton then to study grp then to dinner at aunts frens house.. wow quite a day if u ask me but at least can reflect on events that have occured lately.. Guys in singapore in CM.. miss u guys heaps

Ol' Reliable A-P-L

2006-05-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

Haah.. after few days, finally decided time to update blog(yeah yeah andrew's getting slack.. must be the cold) its getting real cold here in dunedin.. but haha still no where near full on in winter... things getting busy as exams in less than a month.. started revision but lol its realli a lot to cover will be attempting to go full on for alll my subjects.. other than tat so far nothing realli fascinationg happening here other than mugging and trying to keep warm.. and lose weight but seems impossible as colder it gets more seem to eat to keep warm.. anyways pretty much settled here tried to get used to weather but easier said than done.. am hoping wont get to freeze cos as muc i wan to c snow i wan to survive to go home and enjoy xmas.. haven been able to add pics cos well have pretty much been stuck here.. and im not the sort of person who takes pics of myself and well i my opinion hah will never b.. rather be photographer than subject.. wil try to update more but hah since exams here have to actually put more work in so yeah bookworm andy coming soon
till next post peace out

2006-05-04T13:01:00.000-07:00

whew thnx heaven its fri haha the weekend is upon us.bout time too almost dying in economics cos replacement teacher realli bites.. for some reason she seems to enjoy picking me to ask me stuff which i have no idea bout thnx to her "interesting " way of teaching.. hang in there... 1 more week b4 king of econs simon gets back then haha bye bye evil lady.. gives me more incentive not to attempt any more econs after tis.. well tat remains to be seen tho

other than tat week was quite ok with few interesting moments but overall it was tiring. am starting to get stressed cos exams are in bout a month.. so haha now panicking but frantically goin thru my work.. no more slacking arond time to work till wee hours of morning(as if i can survive anyway)
anyways since pretty much stuck in here maynot have many more pics to show but will post some of asean nite which was quite a big sucess and which i had part(albeit small) to play in .. good thing is im not in tat many photos and trust me its better for us all. u'll c why when i post pics

(bad hair day)...

Wil post again asap ..Ciao

2006-04-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

hi these are some of the pics taken from my trip to fiordland enjoy ;)

2006-04-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

sigh.. in case ur wondering wat im doin at home blogging on a sun morning cos i've come down with a cough and well i've been advised to stay home and keep germs to myself.. which would be a good cept for the fact that i have never missed church as far back as i can remember.. Even in Trinity if i was slightly sick i would still attend but well in this case not really up to me. Was encouraged to stay home.. so well no use trying to change anything. Prob listen to sermons online and listen to worship cd's as a substitute (even if it is a bad replacement). well easter brk is pretty much over and well time to start goin all out for studies . no more taking things easy i have a lot at stake and have no intention of messing it up. Hard to believe a week of rest has passed so fast. Gotta start getting ready for school and switch back to studyin mode. This term is much shorter than the first so there'll be a lot more at stake so for my sake better not screw it up. however something has come to my attention which i feel like posting.. well basically i have no idea who actually reads this but heck those that noe me know im a pretty average person who believes God and takes things pretty seriously. However since coming here i feel something has changed bout me. To be honest i have no idea what it is but i know something has changed and well still unsure if its for better or worse. Its not my core values that have changed cos i still take them veri seriously. But deep down.. i know something is diff and well have to find out what it is ASAP. all i know is that i dun feel as connected to TCC as i feel at Elim.. somehow in TCC everione seemed friendlier.. dun get me wrong pple in elim r friendly its just tat.. for me after service at TCC is time where can fellowship with frens but here in elim after service pple break into their smaller cliques and disappear so in the end im left standing like a blooming fool.. it could be just me but in the terms of hanging out with fellow believers this is one of the biggest things i miss about TCC.. but elim has its strong points for one the worship is good .. cell wise or lifegroup wise. well its all right tho still getting used to all guy all girl cell settings.(haha its gonna mess with my system when i return)
i still read the word and pray but still the whole setting here in dunedin i find highly strange and well even after being here for nearly 5 months still not as settled as i would like to be. ah well prob think and reflect bout it and will post thoughts here..

2006-04-17T02:59:00.000-07:00

Hey to whoever reads tis
am currently packing for trip to fiordland aka milford sounds.. heard from frens scenery is nice so looking forward to trip.. hopefully it'll be a nice trip cos well its taken up good portion of my restful brk lol.. anyway here are some pics that i have taken recently

2006-04-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

hi all just to update whoever reads this.. i am currently on easter brk(yeah no sch)
.. am currently basically lazing round but will goin on a trip on fiordland or milford sound on tues till thur . organised by Foundation Year so looking forward to it.
Reasonable good news is that so far in first sem i have managed to be quite well (in my opinion that is) i managed to get 7.7 GPA which to me is ok but not for long intend to hit 8 soon . so for now on brk but will start hitting the books soon.. wan to prove to myself that i can still study. Thnkfully had made quite a few frens here so lol have been quite busy past few nights but will prob stop soon to concentrate on studies more. That said i'll still go out but mayb not tat much cos my priority is to move on to uni so yeah full steam ahead .. but for now taking it ez cos have been quite busy past few weeks of sch
well here in nz surprisingly everything closes most of time on fri and sun. so on these days there're like no buses so transportation has been bad.
have had to walk 1 hr out from home a few times but well good exercise for me as feel myself gaining A BIT of weight.. but hah no excuse to get fat so prob help to burn off a bit
things have been quite ok adapting reasonably well but the weather is quite hard to predict so have had my share of freezing my rear off cos didnt think it would get cold suddenly..
miss family and frens in spore quite a bit cos well frens i make here are great but still miss everyone loads.. looking forward to return in 7 months.. anyway till next entry have a gr8 brk to al;l
ANdReW OuT

2006-04-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

greetings to whoever reads my blog.. erm not sure if anyone does but yeah so far been quite a busy week cos had to prepare nz studies test and presentation.. other than tat FY has been ok .. had a class dinner with tutor . julie and well its was quite fun.. had bbq chix but for me its weird that didnt have much of appetite.. for those who know me well that happens really rarely.. anyways after tht headed to play pool with frens but ended up being thrashed 6-1 for some reason.. (too long haven played i guess) but it was a good time had fun time with frens.. and yeah so i feel it was a sucess .. other than tat did quite well for mid - sem tests other than maths which i really sux at. but yeah looking forward to trip to fiordland and will share ppics when can.. so other than tat things are goin well here miss everyone in spore lots.. will update soon
ANdrew

2006-04-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

hi all.. hmm must be wondering why am im posting at 220 AM
well simple reason came back from frens birthday party and tho sad to say it i was bored out of my wits.. it was to celebrate my fren yusiof's bday that had passed on tues. on the whole gathering other than him i only knew 5 other pple from foundation. Rest of pple have never met before.. somehow i felt it was quite a quiet and uneventful evening and hopefully this wont happen again if not ill prob quit the whole b-day party thingy.. other than tat wk has been ok and so far managing ok as well in sch.. hope rest of weekend will be more interesting
ANDREW out

2006-04-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

hard to believe have been away for 4 months already.. ah well pretty much settled into life here quiet and even more quiet.. miss singapore loads.. work is getting harder each wk and so busy and can get quite stressed not funny anymore.. other than tat things have been pretty good.. haven blogged much cos nothing much to rant and rave about haha as u can prob tell most of previous posts were loads of junk so they're pretty redundant after a while.. have some pics but have yet to upload them just yet.. gotta vet thru them first cos well i like taking pics of things and people but not of myself. anyhows.. for now thats bout it gotta prep for sch laterz

2006-03-18T03:07:00.000-08:00

Ah ok. I can now say I’ve tried to use the new approach to my predicament and well surprise surprise it sucks bad.. Initially in theory it turned out quite well but somehow after more brainstorming.(ie time to think and reflect ps damn really have quite a lot of chances to do tat) realized tat it is not going to work and there is no point in me deluding myself otherwise.. There is only so much a person can do as a friend and beyond that it’ll just seem like nagging so I’ve come to a decision..
On another note I’ve noticed that once strong feelings for someone r birthed, there are two possible outcomes.. 1 is good the other is bad.. Good is that u can be there as a friend and hope the person makes the right decisions in general. Basically care for person etc.. blah blah blah sorta like nagging but as a friend.. The other which is commonly used by some is the somewhat cruel & harsh method of breaking contact , distancing self and in a nutshell leaving the person totally to live their own life with no interference whatsoever.
Of these two both are highly debatable and there are pro’s and con’s for both.. but there is no clear better choice.. The choices are both tough and thought somewhat hard on a person but sometimes when nothing can be done.. it does seem to be feasible.. Plus point for good option is that you can continue to be there as support for person if the need arises.. The bad point is that if things go bad.. you’ll be hurt as well cos of how close u are to person.. Plus point for bad outcome.. well basically nothing that happens to the person will phase u for the simple and logical reason.. it doesn’t matter to u anymore.. the choice has been made and well u have decided that no point in u continually getting hurt by what happens to fren. Bad point is well, .. erm.. haha up to this stage haven thought about the bad point of it yet so its still under works.
But the main thing of the choices u make is how your future friendship with the person will go on.. If good choice then you can be a close fren, confidant etc.. ps that means if fren goes thru hurt well so will u
If bad choice everything is gone.. so whether the person is happy, sad or whatever just doesn’t mean anything.. u have lost a friend fullstop
So the debate continues to go on which is more suitable for u?.
Can u bear to be on good terms with the person ie being happy with person, close friendship stuff like tat?
Or will u choose other path(not easier by a longshot) and just fade into the background and disappear from person ‘s sight
Two choices which have to made.. Which one will U choose..
I have no idea(for once) cos when faced with this situation.. I cant seem to decide. Which would mean more to me, my friendship with person or the peace of mind knowing that nothing the person can ever do will ever affect me again..
For once I leave the options there and hope the choice I make will be the right one
Nite

2006-03-17T03:02:00.000-08:00

Hi there all who read or just stumbled across this blog by accident.. this is just the life of a erm.. mature student in uni of otago foundation yr..
Ah well work week is finally over .. and not a moment too soon.. we received news that we’ll have to sit for 2 test next wk acc’s and nz studies.. oh well all the life of students I guess. Anyways other than sch .. its been almost one week since.. incident happened and things are pretty much back to normal..
Now I view people a bit differently but not in a bad way.. just gotta be careful and watch how things happen.. misunderstandings have been cleared up and well most of life is back to normal.. guess for some people being frens only would be good for some pple and well reality is things change around us daily.. only thing tat I hope doesn’t change will be the friends u have.. for that reason I decided to bury the hatchet will person I was ranting and raving bout.. if u read wat I said then.. well stuff it cos im sick of way I’ve been handling stuff and its time for a change.. heck its not goin to be easy but since when is anything suppose to be ez. Frens are there when things are good and bad.. and most will last u when things get shitty.. so for tat im attempting to change the way I view stuff and hopefully it works this time… if for some reason it doesn’t work and I fall back to old ways. At least can say I’ve tried it and it didn’t work.. till then I will just be there as what I can or mostly as who I am.. heck may not make a bf but want to make a good friend.. this is my post for tonight.. quite mild but live with it if not ? beat it.

2006-03-16T01:40:00.000-08:00

Hi HI all
ApL here will start blogging more often.. (even if i dun noe how many read it and seriously i dun really care cos most of u wont even noe me anyway..)
but heck writing is quite theraputic so wat the heck will give it a shot.
Sch today was pretty good..short but good.
and had my first lesson at jap class.. was interesting but if im to be serious bout it prob will take some work..
hmm.. other than tat next week had shitloads of work so prob will start doin them soon
hmm for now nothing else interesting but prob add some pics to give site more life

2006-03-14T02:22:00.000-08:00

ah well back here again..to write another entry.. in case u have guessed for now.. i was pretty ticked out in previous post bout someone who was a liar and no good and all tat stuff
ah well my anger phase has ended and relatively sane self has taken control of body.. anger got tired and went home
so yeah im now pretty much calmed down and settled.. so well here goes. nothing much to think bout for my side cos basically all i previously wrote was written under influence of Anger.. and quite a bit of it too i must say.. i went ballistic and somewat philosphicall.. haha so rare cant even spell it.. anyways the brain has returned from desert and is now in control.. wat can i say Anger is something which i have quite a bit of(unfortunately.. damn) gd thing is tho it doesnt seem to last as long as i would like,, well cos i seem to never get angry most frens mayb not but my family sure knows bout it.. anyways basically things happen, pple change relationships flourish and bloom, only sane thing i said is tat no one can do anything bout it.. as true as tat is there can be a plus side to it.. wat it is i dunno and haven reached tat level of enlightenment to figure tat out.. anyways in nutshell pls pls dun folo anything i have said.. if u do i wont be responsible for wat happens.. i merely wrote tat under influence and anger if ur smart enuff to folo tat then good on u its merely to vent steam and to relax.. and talk crap
so in another nutshell.. ermm er.. haha tune in soon? lol

2006-03-13T20:57:00.000-08:00

hahaha just when i tot things couldnt get any worse.. woo hoo they did..
think bout it this way.. how would u feel if someone u trusted and felt close to told u a lie and u just found out bout it?? well it could be to protect u so u may think.. i say its BUllShit.. A lie is a lie no matter how big,small major or not its a lie even if its to protect someone. so just imagine how would u deal with it.. give up? well to me its plain if the person could lie to u now.. wat makes u think they couldn't have done it in the past? how would u even know if everything tat they have said to u is the truth or just something they want to to hear. just when u tink u know someone shit like this comes out and makes u wonder. Certain pple can be trusted while others take a while.. but wat of those pple who pretend to be ur free and when u least expect it stab u in the back? how do u detect the truth from the lies.
for all u know someone can seem kind, nice cheerful? how much do u really know of the person.. heck for all u know they could be nasty , rude and other stuff i shall not mention.. how will u know?..
GOod news is u don't.. u have to take their word for it. And if im not wrong tats exactly wat they wan u to do .. wats to stop them for seeming nice at first then when u begin to open up, they treat u like crap.
I'll tell u ..nothing u or I can do can change much..
This realli is unlike me but i've come to a point where (sorry to all who noe me) Im really pissed off and tired of So called friends who seem to only last a while.. And when they're tired of u or u have amused them enuff discard u..

oh ya to note when u lie to protect someone from the truth.. it mayb alright to u but have u ever considered wat the person might feel? wouldnt they want to know and as a fren why r u covering up for them.. Wat seemingly may be a nice gesture can make things a whole lot worst and blow things out of proportion. And if tats not bad enuff wat does it say of ur frienship.. cant u even trust the person to handle it..
oh well getting tired of typing for now but yeah something happened to me(in case u haven already guessed)
and well wat im to do bout it haven tot bout it yet..
cos in nutshell when u have frens like this.. there are 2 things i can think of
1)hang in there as a fren and go for the ride wherever it may take u . i mean so wat if they do it to u again, frens must stick together in thick and in thin. who cares if u feel like shit be there as a fren and SOMEHOw things will work out.. or at least they're supposed to.in theory anyway
2) or my personal fav (which have done b4 and worked quite well in past)
chuck friendship back in persons face and basically tell person to stuff it(nicely of course). wats the point in tolerating someone's nonsense if they dun care bout u..
why be there for someone if its only goin to hurt u more and more if u near the person.. this method is not advised for all only hardcore nuts like me who seriously has been burned/had/pushed around and well somehow seem to attract this sort of crap.. i mean in the end who cares whether the person\persons life is goin well/bad watever.. save urself the prob and just cease to care.. sounds hard.. it is but heck i've done it few times and it has worked so far..
whew now realy tired of typing.. to those close friends and pple who know me sorry for offensive writing . to anyone else.. if u have encountered such pple heh if u wan to folo its up to u just dun bloody get cold feet in the end and backtrack cos if u do.. feel sorry for u cos shld have tried in first place if cant live with consequences
Out

2)

2006-03-11T04:21:00.000-08:00

heh bit long winded today but tis has really been getting me thinking.. about the frens i have.. its not tat i dun like them or anything.. its just becos they are my frens it hurts me when i c them act the way they do.. plain and simple. i mean if normal pple i encounter randomly get drunk and act like fools, i wouldnt give a rats ass.. but when its someone i know and trust it makes it hard and painfull.. yeah watever call me a sap or weakling i dun give a shit bottom line i care for those around me a lot and be it watever choices they make i cant intervene but i do feel for them each and everytime they fall.. but the worst thing is tat i cant do jack shit bout tat.. cos i cant live their life for them but can only hope tat they make the right choices and if they dun .. well have to live with tat but personally i would rather be by their side than let them stuggle alone.. but hey i cant do miracles but i can be there.. my sudden inspirational thoughts takig shower at 1am haha lame but yeah tats me

2006-03-11T03:37:00.000-08:00

Been a while since last post.. not anymore.. today was a breakthrough day for me..it is one of the darkest days of my life here in NZ i assume u r frens/family of mine.. if not .. tough

today i got invited to a party. and since it was a time to meet new people i went.
it was fine in meeting pple but after a while things began to turn dark.. pple were getting drunk out of their wits.. and after a while good portion of pple were drunk.. so as i was sitting there eating chips, drinking life(soft drink) some frens of mine came. as i was there with few other frens didnt really think much of it.. wat happened afterwards sort of shocked the hell out of me and was a bit disturbed by it.. wat followed was rounds and rounds of drinking games.. and to me it was disturbing.. pple i knew as nice , cool happening pple just drank and drank.. and it upset me cos these were the pple i was hanging out with daily. and somehow to c this wasnt making it any easier.. as far as im concerned this would have NEVER happened in singapore.. i have let myself down in tat i has lowered my usually high standard of frens and disrupted the morals tat my parents inculcated to me.

Why do pple do this to themselves.. wat good do they hope to achieve by this..
all i can say was tat i was disgusted and angry tat i just left because i knew if i had stayed i would have gotten more hurt and upset..and wats the point.. hanging with pple u think u know and end up when finding out the truth it hurts
im sorry but for me if i cant accept ur morals, i will let u know.. it hurts to be put thru this but why pple do it is beyond me.. there was another reason which really upset me but its quite personal.. but wat the heck.. there was tis gal i liked for a while and assumed she was nice, interesting and stuff.. but when i saw her tonight drinking , having rounds with drinking games.. i began to wonder to myself.. why do i let myself suffer knowing bout tis? i dunno.. wat happen to the values i set for myself bout the ideal gal? i dunno am im afraid cos i let myself lower the standard i have set and now have to live with it.. She's a nice person but.. why does this have to happen.. why did i have to find out tis way. I suppose its better to know sooner not later but then again .. oh well , tat is another thing tat burned me the most..would appreciate any prayers /encouragement during tis dark time for me here.. tats all for now..

2006-03-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

1st week of foundation year has ended and well it has been good.. teachers are good and classmates are nice people/ There is an ideal mix of nationalities with pple from singapore , china , thailand, russia ,new zealand japan and many more.. As slowly the passes, friendships will be strengthened and hopefully not weakened

Alas comes a difficult situation.. what happens as friendship.. seems to evolve into something more .. how then do u know wat is to happen from there? do u contain the feelings u hve to urself and eventually when the person get attached.. suffer in silence ..or would u make ur feelings known and mayb risk everything that has happened. Age old question tat doesnt seem to have an answer but tat is one tat many will face.. heh personally haha i have no idea wat is supposed to happen.. i guess tat is just one of the things pple have to experience themselves to know. as for me, if encounter the situation seriously i have no idea wat to do.. my 2 cents for today